Hello Blogger!

Why have you been ignoring me?

I wasn't. I'm just really busy this week.

Don't you love me anymore?

Of course I do! Don't be like that.

Then why have you been ignoring me?

I wasn't. I was just busy with school. Lot's of things to do, you know.

You don't love me anymore!

Sigh.......

07:08 on August 31, 2000

Tonight I am going to watch ChungKing Express. And maybe I will be able to understand five whole words now that I have had a week of Chinese.

I am also going to eat potato chips and pistachio ice cream. Not at the same time though....

So there!

12:08 on August 28, 2000

Everything is wrong today. Daniel is back in Chicago and I am alone again.

It's funny how in just two days you can get so used to someone's presence. All the little things they do.

That's what I am missing the most right now. Things that I don't want to explain. Things that only mean something to me. To us.

The apartment was so empty last night. I couldn't sleep. There was no one snoring in my ear. I had all the blankets to myself, but out of habit I tried not to use up too much of them. I tried to keep to my side of the bed, so I wouldn't crowd someone who wasn't there.

So for the next 2 weeks until he can visit again, I will keep busy, throw myself into my schoolwork. Anything, just too keep from realizing how wrong everything seems. Anything to forget how terrible this all feels.

And this is how I will get by for the next 35 weeks, until I graduate.

Until everything is right again.

12:08 on August 28, 2000

I wanted to talk about profound and deep things here tonight. I wanted to say things that had real value. Something meaningful and rich. Unlike all my other posts.

Instead, I stare blankly at the monitor, too tired to express what I feel.

10:08 on August 28, 2000

Daniel and I went to see Godzilla 2000 today. It was the awesome, not like that sad thing they put out here in the US.

No, this was perfect! Classic. Cheap. Exactly what it was meant to be. We love Godzilla!

In honor of this achievement, I have dubbed my bed Regenerator G1.

Go see the movie and you will understand why.

09:08 on August 26, 2000

Oh! Lucky best popular day! Only 12 more hours until Daniel is here in my very own house.

12:08 on August 25, 2000

So what exactly does it mean when a guy walks by and says to you, "Nice bagels!". And no, I wasn't carrying any bagels.

12:08 on August 25, 2000

OH! I really want one of these. Look how cute they are, buzzing all around.

Spy Fly

04:08 on August 25, 2000

I am Sgt. Space Onion, Commander of the Year 3000 and I have a shiney red rocketship!

10:08 on August 24, 2000

I still have those little brown ants all over my apartment. I even brought some to school with me today in my book bag. It's disgusting. I want them out.

OUT! OUT! OUT!!!

Last night I was watching the Matrix, when I looked up and saw a brown, furry spider the size of a VW bus on the ceiling above me. I caught it in a glass jar and looked at him for a while. I was trying to decide whether or not he was a good spider. Upon careful examination, I determined the over-sized, hairy fangs he was sporting were not something you would find on a friendly spider, so I put him outside. Far, far away, outside.

I don't really want to be responsible for the death of anything. But rules, there have to be rules. And the bugs are breaking them. Stay out of my food, bed, hair, ect. Don't crawl on me. Don't scare me. Keep your pointy fangs and numerous legs to yourselves.

Now, that's not asking so much is it?

12:08 on August 23, 2000

Since I am taking Chinese, I have a Chinese name! It's Pan Dao Ming.

I like that class lots. It's fun to say Pan Dao Ming. I say it all the time! Just because.

Pan Dao Ming!

01:08 on August 23, 2000

Today, believe it or not, was actually worse than yesterday.

I also had to throw away every single bit of food in my house.

See, last month when I came home from Chicago to get my bills, I had a problem.

Tiny, little, brown ants.

So I told my landlord.

They sent out a man to spray. I know this because he left his card on my counter.

But, unfortunately, it did nothing to stop the ants.

They were in everything. The salt, the sugar, the flour, the spices. In my cereal. In unopened boxes of pasta. Inside sealed ziplock bags.

My hot peppers, dried mushrooms, noodles, rice, crackers, cookies, you name it, all ruined.

There was nothing they were not crawling all over.

And there were dead bodies in everything too.

So all I was able to salvage of the food and cooking staples that needed to last me all semester, was a can of tomato paste, and some soba noodles in a sealed plastic wrapper. I also have a few packages of Ichiban ramen noodles that I brought with me last night from Chicago.

Everything else was infested.

So, now I have no food.

And I have no money. My student loans are delayed, and will not be here for two weeks.

So it looks like I am in for a world of hurt. Haven't eaten since Thursday.

God, my life sucks the most right now.

But hey, thank god for free internet access. Otherwise, how could you listen to me complain.

02:08 on August 20, 2000

I am about to do the unimaginable. The unbelievable.

I am going to cozy up in the bed with this incredible book , eat cheddar cheese pretzels and drink Mr. Pibb.

I rule!

05:08 on August 16, 2000

I'm you and you are me, and we are here.

I'm the dreamer, you are the dream.

06:08 on August 12, 2000

Listening to Samurai by Juno Reactor.

Anata wa taiyo (You are the sun)
Anata wa hikari (You are the light)

02:08 on August 12, 2000

WonderBorg!

I HAVE to go to Japan!

03:08 on August 6, 2000

Movie from Haruhiko Shono. (18.3MB)

03:08 on August 6, 2000

Dreamline :: Dave McKean

His current gallery is wonderful. The shrimp is by far my favorite.

02:08 on August 6, 2000

You're never going to believe what Daniel bought for me at the Shedd Aquarium.

A Porcupine Puffer Yoyo!

It's the greatest! It even has two little bucky teeth in the front. And it's all spikey! If I had my scanner here, you could see for yourself.

I think I might like it better than the Pufferfish Alarm Clock that Sebastian sent me for building his site. But that remains to be determined. I really like the clock too.

The yoyo completely made up for the lack of puffers at the aquarium itself. I was totally disappointed. Only one in the whole place. But he was sweet. I wanted to tuck him under my arm and set him free in the ocean. Back home where he belongs.

There was a diver in the tank feeding the fish. You can volunteer to do that! Too bad I am leaving for school in a few days. Can you imagine me in a tank with a three foot puffer?

I would go hyper all over the place!

You know I would have to pet him and feed him treats when no one was looking.

Zoos, aquariums and other animal preserves really tear at me. I love to see all the animals. Yet at the same time, I feel horrible that they are in captivity. They need to be free, in a place of their own. It's not right to keep them like that just because we can. I think they suffer more than we realize.

But I really did have a nice time. Despite the guilt. And I have the greatest, super-fun yoyo of all time!

02:08 on August 6, 2000

Wow! I really like this. Nice, yes?

SmokymonkeyS

04:08 on August 3, 2000

You know what's good about today?

Clean warm socks!

It's cold here.

08:08 on August 2, 2000

I've been thinking about my life lately. Mostly about where it went. I used to have one, I am quite sure of that. I remember it clearly.

I had a purpose. A will. I had a future that I was prepared to work toward.

Where did I lose that?

When did the size of your pocketbook become more important than the size of your brain? Or the size of your heart?

I find it hard to understand the logic in that.

I find it hard to live the way I want because our culture dictates what is acceptable. And the current trends in acceptablity are in violation of my beliefs.

I don't think people have a right to ruin the world just because we consider ourselves to be smarter, better, above.

I am ashamed of the way people, corportations and governments treat the planet. It seems that no one understands this is the only one we have.

It's not replacable.

It's not going to repair the damage, pollution and destruction we cause.

Not with us still living.

We kill each other over such petty things. Shoes, cars, oil, land.

When will people realize how unique we are and act responsibly?

I just want to live a simple life. Do no harm. I don't want to worry about toxins in my food and water. Or the chemicals in the air I breath. I just want to be small and leave no mark.

I don't care about money or power. I don't care about the "whoever has the most toys wins" mentality. I don't care about disposable whatz-itz or one use thing-a-ma-bobs.

When did we embrace wastefulness as a virtue?

Whatever happended to quality over quantity. Something to leave to your children and their children.

Is there a single product in your home (or even your home itself) made after 1950 that would be functional one hundred years from now?

It's doubtful.

18 months.

After that, throw it away and buy a new one.

How sad.

Live simply. Work Hard. Learn. Be smart. Isn't that the real goal? Not cell phones and Palm PCs. Not chemical laden food and pesticides in the water. Not 70 hour work weeks and heart attacks at 45.

It seems that I am being dragged along in a culture I don't agree with. And I don't know how to live the way I want to. I either need a lot of money or there needs to be a global change in ideals. I doubt either of those things will ever happen.

So where does a girl like me go?

Where can I find a little bit of comfort and happiness?

05:08 on August 1, 2000